Dating your wife? Does that sound like an oxymoron to you? Maybe you’re thinking, “If I wanted to keep dating my wife, I wouldn’t have married her in the first place.”
Well there’s a whole lot of divorced dudes out there who thought that same thing and wish they hadn’t. If you need to kick up your wife-dating game, this is the article to show you how.
When I asked women to tell me why “dating your wife” is important for men to make time for, I heard words like, “romance,” “respect,” and “love.” Those are not trivial words Dudes, so pay attention to these 7 simple tips.
#1. Dating Your Wife Shows You’re Still Interested
Whether you’ve been married a month or many years, your wife wants to know you still desire a romantic relationship. You can easily convey that message by saying, “Let’s go out for a date this weekend, just the two of us.”
Don’t meet up with friends or family. Make sure it’s understood that you want a block of time when it’s just the two of you. This will remind your wife of the way you used to pursue her before you got married.
#2. It’s Not About Getting Laid
A married couple I know had a therapist tell them they should make time for dating each other. When they came to their next appointment, the therapist asked if they took his advice. The wife said, “Not yet,” and the husband said, “What do you mean? We had sex twice this week!”
Dudes, get this clear in your heads. Dating your wife and having sex with her are not the same thing. The two acts may overlap on the same day, but don’t confuse them. Your wife definitely isn’t.
#3. Have a Plan for Your Date
Just like I’ve written before, do not start a date with the question, “So what do you feel like doing?” This communicates the wrong kind of message.
You want her to feel you took the time to actively plan an event together. This doesn’t have to equate to “expensive” either. You can keep things casual and budget minded, as long as it’s obvious you put some effort into the plan.
And running errands together doesn’t count. The point here is to spend time doing things to get you out of a rut, not keep you in one. Options to look for include:
- street fair
- farmers market
- art show
- museum exhibit
- holiday event
- window shopping in a fashion district
- picnic at a park, beach, or scenic area
- a visit to the “old neighborhood”
Staying home to make a meal together can make for a nice date night but be sure that you are the one to plan the menu, shop for the food, and do any messy prep work.
#4. Throw On Some Style
When it comes to your appearance, be sure to kick it up a few notches. Take the time to get cleaned up (showered and shaved), and pick out some clothes that are nicer than normal.
Let her see you putting in the extra effort towards your appearance and she’ll catch on that she should do the same.
Protip: wear an item she gave you as a gift. This could be a piece of jewelry or clothing. Even a couple sprays of the cologne she picked for you will do the trick.
#5. Treat Her Like a Lady
After you’ve been married a few years, you may have allowed some classy behaviors to slip though the cracks. But on “date night,” it’s time to dust off the classics and treat your wife like a lady.
This includes any or all of the following:
- getting her flowers
- texting her a “thinking of you” note during the day
- telling her she “looks beautiful” before you leave for the date
- opening doors to restaurants, taxis, cars, and even as you leave your home
- holding her hand as you walk side by side
- offering her your arm on a chilly night so she can snuggle in
- paying the check (even if it’s coming from your joint account, your initiative will keep her from thinking about finances for a while)
Protip: if your date includes a meal at a restaurant, order for her. You can ask what she’s thinking of having while looking over the menus, and then take the lead when the waiter visits your table. I did this when I was originally dating my wife and she still loves it every time we go out.
#6. Keep the Focus on Each Other
If you have kids, it will be nearly impossible to avoid talking about them. But try to place the bulk of your conversation on each other. Some topic ideas include:
- vacation plans for later in the year
- a dream vacation you’d like to take someday
- goals for home renovations or upgrades
- personal goals for fitness or health and how you can work towards them as a couple
- where you’d like to be as a family in 5 years? 10 years? Retirement?
And when in doubt, you can always fall back to telling her how pretty she looks and how lucky you are to be married to her. That doesn’t get old.
#7. Listen for Secret Messages
This tip is just for the awesome Dudes out there, but if you’ve read this far, I think you qualify.
Throughout the evening, pay attention to what your wife is saying to you. There’s a good chance she is delivering secret messages you can translate into actions to show you were listening.
Here are some possible scenarios:
- Does she mention how much she likes an item in a shop window? Maybe you could come back later to purchase the item for a surprise on her next birthday.
- Does she talk about a problem at work? Leave a note of support in her purse she won’t find until she’s at the office. Follow up with a text message.
- Is she feeling stress about conflicts in her schedule later that week? Make some adjustments to your schedule so you can offer a solution.
If she hasn’t already fallen in love with you all over again, seeing how you’ve listened to her on your date and followed through with actions days later will make a world of difference.
Dating Your Wife is About Fun!
While your out on the town dating your wife, be sure to have fun. Smile, laugh, pull her close for a spontaneous kiss, and have a good time like the cool Dude you are. Remember, she married you for just those reasons!