Why He’ll Have Sex with You but Not Love You: The 8-minute rule

Why He’ll Have Sex with You but Not Love You: The 8-minute rule

Ladies, at the risk of revealing several secrets from the “Big Book of Ridiculous Man Laws,” I’m going to let you in on a concept known as the “8-minute rule.” It might just change your life, or at least confirm your suspicions that men are hopeless cavemen.

[Alert: if Rated R language offends you, I suggest you read no further]

I once had a woman tell me, “My man would never leave me. I give him every thing he could ever want in bed.”

Yeah, he broke up with her in a month.

A guy once told me his girlfriend said, “It’s like you’ve got the sexual manual to my body. We are perfect soul mates for each other.”

He considered their sex life to be “okay” and soon started seeing someone else.

Ladies, it’s time for you to hear something that’s going to sting a bit, but here it comes…

He Might F*ck You Like a Hero, but Still Think of You as a Zero

But, but…how can that be? You’re thinking, “He is so hot for me in the sack, and I do every dirty thing he asks and more! He wouldn’t dare give that up, would he?”

In a word, yes, he would.

“The blow jobs? The screaming orgasms? Even the butt thing?”

Yes. Yes. And…yes, even the butt thing. And it’s all because of a rule you’ve probably never heard of…

The 8-Minute Rule

Gals, you know that awesome moment after sex where you are simmering in the afterglow, look in his eyes, and say “I love you?” And then there’s that beautiful instant where he says it back to you. Ahh, life doesn’t get much better, right?

The thing is, he didn’t necessarily mean it.

At that moment, he would have said “I love you” to the hi-tech sex doll he’s got on pre-order at Kickstarter.

Anything a guy says post-sex has to be considered suspect. Dudes aren’t thinking clearly for a while.

The words uttered just after they roll off you simply don’t count as far as he is concerned. Heck, he probably doesn’t even remember saying anything, let alone consider himself liable for it.

So, here it is ladies: the 8-minute rule:

Anything he says in the first 8 minutes after sex should be considered as disposable as the condom you just used.

Men are Experts at “I Love You” Compartmentalization

It’s not that he lies to you anytime he says something of value just after sex. Not at all. In that euphoric post-orgasm haze, his thoughts and words have a depth of clarity that is stunning. In those precious minutes, he likely feels all the world’s problems are an easy fix.

His “I love you” is as sincere and transcendent as a Beethoven symphony.

But given a little time (8 minutes, to be specific), his super-powers diminish and he once again assumes the role of “average dude who just got laid.”

Right about then, that previous “I love you” is as enduring as all the times Steven Tyler said it in the 1970s.

His “I Love You” Might Be Different than Yours

So, what about all the times a man says “I love you” apart from sex? He means it then right?

Yes, he does. (Big BUT alert…)

BUT…men have a deeply held secret that “I love you” can be ranked based on the condition at hand.

That’s why it’s possible for a man to say, “Baby, there’s nobody I love more than you, but I just need to help my ex move her sofa this one time.”

He DOES love you. And at that moment, he DOESN’T love anyone more than you. But at the same time, he doesn’t consider himself in a deeply committed form of love. He’s still playing both sides.

His “I love you” is not a lie. But it’s not the same as when you say it to him. He could walk away from the relationship without much upset.

This is the equivalent to that old expression of loving someone but not being in love with them.

The big difference is that women in that position aren’t likely to have sex with the dude they just put in the friend zone. Men, on the other hand, aren’t so picky.

You Might Be a Placeholder Girlfriend

If you’ve put too much value in what the man in your life is telling you just after sex, you might very well be the dreaded “placeholder” girlfriend.

A placeholder GF is one that he keeps around to fill the time because he’d rather not be alone. You’ll do for now.

He will say he loves you, he will treat you wonderfully when you’re together, and he will gladly fuck your brains out on a regular basis. But is he deeply in love with you? Is he fully committed? Or will he jump back with an ex if she opens the door?

Too many women think that because they keep their men sexually satisfied, the relationship is locked down. Girls, I have to tell you, that’s just not the case.

With the proliferation of hookups available through dating apps and Craig’s list, you need to confront this harsh truth:

No matter how funky you get down in the bedroom, your mad sex skills are fully replaceable

Ouch! I know that doesn’t feel good to hear.

Your man will never say it to your face, but among his bros the expression is, “For every hot chick, there’s a dude tired of fucking her.” But this doesn’t have to apply to you. There are ways to know you’ve got yourself a better man.

How to Know His Love Will Outlast the 8-minute Rule

There are plenty of ways to know if you’ve got a man whose “I love you” means the same thing as yours. Here are some tell-tale signs that you’ve got a keeper:

  • He doesn’t have countless texts coming in that he hides from you
  • There aren’t days or nights with zero contact followed by lame excuses like “my phone died” or “I fell asleep as soon as I got home”
  • He doesn’t send you odd texts that would actually make more sense if they were meant for someone else (hint: they were)
  • Every time he says “I love you” the next word out of his mouth isn’t, “but…”
  • He actually remembers things you say in previous conversations and refers to them later
  • He initiates contact and old-fashioned public displays of affection
  • His appearance gets a little sloppy (this is actually a good thing because it means he’s not “on the prowl” whenever you’re not around)
  • He says “I love you” 10 minutes after sex
  • He knows that the full package of everything you offer is a one-in-a-million gift he better not screw up

You’ve Got This Girl

When in doubt, remember the 8-minute rule and that great sex does not automatically equate to great love in the male mind.

Dudes fall madly in love with wonderful women every day. You will be one of them if you choose to be. Just be sure you’re a heart keeper instead of a placeholder.


Ready to learn even more about why he’ll have sex with you but not love you? Get Gregg Akkerman’s complete book on the topic and prepare to be amazed!

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