Your first date seems to be going pretty well. She’s laughing and making eye contact while you engage her in charming conversation.
But then it happens! You accidentally veer into a relationship kill zone where first dates go to die!
She’s no longer laughing or asking questions. You can’t get her to react with more than one-syllable words, and she’s started checking her phone while yawning. Say goodnight Dude ‘cause it’s game over.
During the next day’s post-date autopsy report with one of your buds, he points out the error of your ways. You got cocky with her and brought up one or more of the 5 classic, first-date conversation killers!
To keep you from making that rookie mistake again, let’s take the time to count down the 5 biggest topics to avoid. And for more basics on how to plan and carry out a successful first date, read this previous article.
#5: Politics — Hers or Yours
Bring up politics on a first date and you might as well cut your chances of a second date down to 50% because no other topic is more divisive these days.
Hopefully, you’ve already found out before the date if the two of you have similar political views. If not, spend some time getting to know each other before bringing up the big “Trump” question.
Group sex or religion are safer topics than “so how do you feel about the President’s views on immigration?”
For the first date, sticking with Clinton’s policy of “don’t ask, don’t tell” is the best way to avoid premature conversation killers.
#4: Fussy Complaints
Your mom might be telling you that your idiosyncrasies are “quirky” but the rest of us think they’re annoying Dude. We put up with it because we’re your friends, but your date is not going to be so open minded.
Here’s a brief list of fussy complaints you are not allowed to make during the your first date:
- These ice cubes are too big
- The peas are touching my bratwurst
- If you wanted fries, you should have ordered your own
- Some newbie at the gym totally messed up my superset
- I was going to turn pro before my injury
- I really hate this new hair conditioner
- [insert pop star name] was way better before they sold out
- This would be so much better with truffle oil
#3: Your Pet Is Better than Her Pet
A first date is not the place to settle the great dog versus cat debate. Conversation killers like this will have to wait for another day.
Obviously, dogs are better. But convincing her will take years so pace yourself and plan out a long-term attack plan.
In the meantime, casually ask how old her little shit…errr, darling is so you can estimate how many more years you’ll have to put up with it. A young kitten probably means it’s time to ask for the check because of your sudden headache.
#2: Your Badass Truck
Dude, your date is not a dude. As such, she will never, I mean NEVER want to hear about your 2-in-1 stainless steel round muffler, Nerf Bars side step, fender flares, or night-vision LED light bar.
I know it’s hard to grasp, but for some reason, girls just don’t care about important stuff like that.
If you can’t stop from talking about cars, at least limit yourself to safety features, sensible gas mileage, and how many bags of groceries you can haul.
And #1 of Our First-date Conversation Killers: Lord of the Rings
This includes the books OR movies!
Nothing will label you unworthy of future dating rights faster than expressing the difficulty you have reconciling how Glorfindel is present for the Council of Elrond even though he was previously killed by the Balrog in the Silmarillion.
No matter how valid the point, IT IS NOT A FIRST-DATE CONVERSATION!
Remember my friends, Tolkien geeks may be the smartest Dudes in the room, but at the end of the night — they sleep alone.
Fortunately, there is an alternative. You can always talk about that pasty faced wizard-child with the scar on his forehead. I’m not sure why, but the ladies think he’s awesome, so stick with Harry.
Enjoy your next date and remember to lay off the conversation killers listed here. Strut your stuff and have a good time being the cool Dude you are.